Day 7, Wednesday, instalment 15

LAST DAY! I really haven't done without food this week. I have done without treats. I still have about 6 servings of pea soup and about 3 servings of the pasta, tomato, hamburg, onion dish. I also have 6 eggs and 3 english muffins left. I didn't open the can of salmon. Some of the onions I cooked at the beginning of the week are still in the fridge. I have one banana left for tonight and enough milk for two cups before bed. Lots of OJ left. 'Course I haven't had supper yet so that will reduce a serving of something. OH! I have a rice crispy heart-shaped-square which I brought home from Bible study this morning. Now THAT will be a treat tonight. And there was sliced cheese on the snack table...talk about a treat. And tea!

I've logged a bewildering number of observations about living on such limited funds. I managed ok because I wasn't in social situations which required me to spend anything other than on food. What keeps irritating me is that I haven't been able to have cheese! I really, really like cheese and it is such a versatile food. In hind sight I wish I had just spent the money at the beginning, bought the cheddar and maybe I wouldn't be so cranky. I have missed that more than sweets or treats. When I went to buy ground beef on Monday, I wandered over to Shoppers to see if they had any specials which might fit my budget. I looked at the peanut butter, jam, cheese, even wieners, longingly. Cheese is still at least $6 a package, as it was at Frosted Foods. Slowly, very slowly down the candies, cookies and chocolate aisle. As I was leaving the store I was hit with one very odd thought that was as genuine as if I were truly impoverished: my spirits were low and I actually 'heard' my thought that "I just can't afford that."

Re-reading that last paragraph and my rant about cheese, I was struck with another realization: how often do I throw out cheese that has dried out too much for my liking, or has a bit of mold on it. I promise myself to buy smarter, smaller packages in the future or repackage it better. I've gained a new perspective on that waste and feel something close to shame for how blasé I've been about wasted groceries.

In my 'real world' thinking it seems obvious that it would make sense for friends or neighbours to buy some of those big ticket items and share them. Splitting a can of coffee, a bag of sugar, might be a pain, but it would make it possible. Group shopping is making more sense to me. I'm wondering if any of these little groups who are already working to provide emergency supplies...like the one in the Minto area, or maybe one of the Women's shelters/places might be inclined to work towards making this aspect of shopping more accessible to those on limited budgets. I picture a huge shopping day winding up at one of the community centres and repackaging foods and distributing them at shared prices.

Rob's suggestion of two people sharing an apartment sounds very logical, and I'm wondering how many of the existing housing units would be suitable for that arrangement. I would really like to see some of these rooms and apartments we're talking about here. I have a feeling that that experience would truly put this challenge into perspective. If I can find a way to respectfully see some of the accommodations, I will certainly pursue that idea.

I've had two lunches at the homes of friends, both where the conversation was frequently about the challenges of the poor, not just our Week of Poverty. These friends are all generous, aware, giving citizens and it was interesting to again explore some of the services which are already in place. I don't consider those two lunches as a departure from the challenge because I would have eaten at Knox or The Fellowship Centre otherwise and still no cost incurred.

I have a little difficulty rationalizing debiting $1 for each car ride since the rides were from people who were already going to the same place I was going. It's funny how protective I've become with my Loonies during this project. I don't WANT to pay for those rides and take it out of my 11.16!

Yesterday my challenge was that I had to make a long distance call to a close friend who is having a birthday. I phoned KMTS for information on using the few pay phones downtown. The rep didn't know if you could still use cash for long distance and suggested that phone cards may be the only way to go. I called the Shell station and asked about their phone cards. They come in denominations starting at $5 but he couldn't tell me how many minutes or to where. Short of going down and looking at the display and the cards themselves, I couldn't find anyone who could give me any information about number of minutes allowed and what zones of the country that might cover...if in fact, there's a difference. So this is a challenge which hasn't been resolved. I'll keep working on that one because now I'm curious. And my friend is not going to get that call because I'm getting stingy with my cash!

My challenge for today was to make a new friend outside of work. Since we're nearing the end of the project I'm going to bend the rules a bit and make that a retroactive challenge and say that I accomplished it yesterday. After my time at the Salvation Army I think I made at least two new friends there. That counts!

This will be my last post for the Week of Poverty Challenge. I am so appreciative of the friends, family and general public who have actually read what we've been writing about and expressed their interest. Without your participation and acknowledgement of that interest, this would have been a much more difficult project. If I were to go into a room full of people and find that no one knew about our Walk, or even cared, there wouldn't be much incentive to keep going, to play by the (very loose) rules, to make it meaningful. I think we've accomplished what we set out to do, to make the town more aware of the local poverty and the difficulties that face the poor every day. But for myself, I've accomplished a lot more than that. Personally I've been impacted in a way which I did not foresee and from which there is no going back. At the beginning of the challenge a good friend said that she predicted this would be a life-changing experience for me, as it was when I went to Israel. She was right. Now what do I, as an individual, do with this new awareness? What's the next step?

Day 6, TUESDAY, instalment 14

“Participants are asked to journal the personal and social drama that accompanies economic hardship, to tell the story of privilege firsthand and help shine a light of empathy on members of our community facing that situation every day.” Those were our instructions....

After dinner last night, hamburger patty and sweet potato with margarine, I started a blog entry with “I really hate margarine!” and that was definitely my rant at the moment. Today I decided that there may be a place in the world for margarine and that was in the cookies at lunch. Who would have thought that you could make shortbread-type cookies using margarine? They were so good and I looked so pathetic that I was given two to bring home with me. There were cut-up oranges and whole apples in a large bowl for patrons to take with them. A bell went off in my head to pick up a large bag of oranges and drop them off at Knox or at the Fellowship Centre where they try to keep fruit available all day. Got it? A bag of oranges a week to one place or the other?

I'm going to interrupt my own train of thought here to mention a man who was walking along 3^rd St S when I was en route to Knox. He asked for directions to 4^th Avenue so I said I'd walk with him until I needed to turn. He was obviously not a man of means ( “...by no means” so says Roger Miller) and we chatted as we walked up the middle of the road because the streets are so icy. Today was going to be a good day.

The question jumping out at me is, prior to this challenge would I have engaged this man in conversation, would I have discovered he was 'lost' and would I have chosen to walk with him instead of cutting up to 2^nd St as I had planned?

The people at my table weren't very chatty so I didn't intrude past greeting but I did find a lady sitting out by the front door and sat down with her. I casually asked her about her day and what was she going to do with the rest of it. I didn't want this to sound like an 'interview.' She was very forthcoming and told me a lot about her day and her life. Then a really nice 40-something Aboriginal man got into the conversation and I realized that they were a couple. Loosely, apparently. She lives in town, gets $590 on OW and pays $500 for rent!! I asked how she can possibly live on that and how she can do anything but just live. (Isn't that what we're supposed to be determining this week?) She told me she eats at all the food services. What does she do with her day: walk around down town until it's time to go home and watch tv or sleep. She does have basic cable included with her rent. She goes to the FC for community and noted that they have movies there and some games but that “people are always taking the playing cards home and then there are none for those who want to play.” (Note to self: pick up several packages of cards next time I'm at Dollarama in the city.)

I asked the young man where he lived and he told me Grassy. That is why they're living apart and under the circumstances they're in. He doesn't pay rent; he has a house at Grassy but she won't live in it because there's no running water. Ever. It's not like his pipes froze in the cold weather. I asked how they do laundry. His mother's house at Grassy does have water and she does his laundry.This lady on the bench was vague about it but said that when she gets her GST cheques and tax returns, she does laundry. She was clean and well-presented so she must have to eke out laundry funds somewhere in the interim. They were both delightful to talk with.

Then a very interesting caucasian man joined us and shared his story which apparently is widely known so I'm not breaking any confidences. He is on ODSP so gets a little more than OW. However he literally lives in the bush, in a teepee. He's a trapper and when he's able that's what he does. He also uses the various food services. This is a man I could chat with over coffee; actually they all were.

Then off to Sally Ann and the rest of my afternoon was very enlightening. Major Karen and the day manager gave me a complete rundown of their services. There were cardboard Safeway boxes covering the floor of the office, with two plastic bags of groceries in each box. If I were to come in with picture I.D and proof of living within Kenora, I could take home one hamper per address per month. I lifted what would have been my 'allotment' and certainly wouldn't have been able to carry it home. So if I WERE to pick up free food, I'd have to take a taxi to get it home! Because of staffing, there is also a small window of time, three days a week when groceries may be picked up.

They have a good system in which larger boxes of cereal are broken down into plastic bags so the contents of one box will go into several hampers. Same with tea, coffee, rice and similar products. Each bag has balanced items with pasta, cereal, juices, tea and various other things. The basement pantry is amazing. People donate items, but the cases and cases of cans stacked neatly on the shelves have mostly been purchased by the managers with funds donated to the SA. There are a couple of regular volunteers who repackage everything in that bright basement and make up the bags and hampers. Note: They can use MORE volunteers in December when contributions are greater and the need is also greater.

They communicate with Frank and Lyn at Jubilee and their services don't seem to overlap.

One real Incident of Awareness for me today was that this is not an easy road for people on Ontario Works. Knowing that someone is on assistance I know I've heard the thought expressed, and may have been guilty of it myself at some point, that “they're in it for a free ride” and must be lazy. Believe me, from what I've seen this week NO ONE would choose to be on this welfare program. Thank God it's there and available, but it is not a lifestyle ANYone would choose.

Major Karen gave me a reference from a MB project titled “It Takes All Day to Be Poor.” I began to read it with the purpose of reporting on it here, but it's way too in-depth for that. I'll read it offline and just post the address here. I can already see that it's worth reading.

www.policyalternatives.ca/sites/default/files/uploads/publications/reports/docs/SIC_2009_report_120909.pdf

Haven't spent a cent today and I'm having a second bowl of pasta, ground beef, tomatoes, pasta sauce and onions. Every family seems to have their version of this dish and we called it gobbledegook. It tastes just as fine tonight as it did when my kids were small. I have enough for two or three more meals.

Day 6, install 13, Facebook entry

Facebook entry, Tuesday, Feb 14.12

"Today was probably one of the pivotal days of the challenge. I'm comfortable that I have enough food left...even though I'm making pasta sauce at the moment. But I walked up to Knox for a fine lunch of vegetable soup with hamburg and pasta, salad nicoise, half a ham sandwich, a cup of tea, and cookies...the bonus was that it was served to me by my friend Ron Christie who volunteers there occasionally!
(Menu alert: no salt is used anywhere and isn't available, for health reasons.)

Marlyn from the kitchen asked if I knew about the SA emergency food services which are available. I didn't. Adrienne mentioned them in her Friday blog so I walked down to Salvation Army to investigate. This is the pivotal part. I spent almost two hours there with the staff and I'm going to have to finish this monologue on the makingkenorahome.ca blog page because there's too much that I want to share. Meet me there?"

Day 5, MONDAY, instal 12 (I think...)

I want to refer to a quote by Adrienne: "embraced by a loving community like Jubilee." Therein lies one very positive, available, welcoming comfort when living in poverty, and I hope it's not limited to Jubilee. I don't mean simply availing oneself of the Sunday lunches, the pantry of groceries, the clothing selection. What I saw there and what I perceive as a real, if band-aid, treatment, for poverty is inclusion and support. I think we've all concluded that this week of challenge can't 'fix' the local poverty issue, but we have learned what a difficult life many welfare recipients face. If we can increase public empathy (or ire!), view those living in poverty as someone to whom we can reach out, provide supplies and funds as our own situations allow, and get alongside those who are pushing locally and provincially for better housing, we'll have reached our goals for the week. I was startled to read on Mike's blog that we have lost 120 housing units since the Norman hotel was taken down. And no replacements? It makes one look askance at the Kenricia, the Kenwood and Parker's.

I just had a call-back from Ontario Works about the Winnipeg appointments. I did have some of the information right about the third-party section of the travel grant: The patient should have an appointment notice and OW will up-front the travel grant allowance, including $100 for accommodation. Then the travel grant cheque goes directly to Ontario Works. There are still logistical issues, like getting to your local medical doctor to get the form signed...or emerg if that's who did the referral and either getting to the bus or paying someone to drive you to the city. Once the specialist has completed his/her section of the travel grant we need to get it back to OW so they can be reimbursed. But it's a relief to know that there IS a way.

I had lunch at the home of friends and while we didn't start out with this goal in mind, we did spend much of our conversation on how various organizations contribute in the community and what services they provide. There really are a lot of caring, committed people in our little town, doing really good things. ...And lunch was great, with real meat in the chili! That whetted my appetite for something that used to go 'moo' so I got dropped off downtown, bought ground beef for my pasta sauce. Tonight I'll have a hamburger patty and sweet potato. 3.19 for a lb of lean ground beef and I walked home. Again. I'm left with 11.16 and have two days to go.

Sunday night 11pm

"...might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb" was the saying flitting through my head as I reached for a black currant tea bag and a package of sweetener. I finally gave in to a food craving and had something which didn't come from my grocery purchase. That's the lamb part. The "sheep" is the Cadbury Orange Chocolate bar which lives in the same cupboard as the tea and sweetener. Because I usually have them together, one cup of tea and 6 squares of Orange chocolate. But I set the sheep free and stuck with just the tea. Giving up the chocolate tempers the guilt over the tea. I can live with that.

Monday morning...I've had breakfast, couldn't face another morning of oatmeal, applesauce and banana. Did I just say that out loud? When there are people right here in this town with NOTHING for breakfast, I'm complaining about 'oatmeal, applesauce and banana?' Really. I did wake up hungry this morning which is a totally new sensation, mostly because I normally snack from 8pm 'til bedtime! I fried an egg and had it on a toasted muffin half, small glass of milk and a glass of OJ for my medications. I'm good to go for the day. Now what to do with my day? My Cat has had her morning drugs so she's no company for the next couple of hours; everything I consider doing, that I would normally do, involves books, supplies, equipment, ingredients which I certainly wouldn't have available to me if I were to live on $599 a month. I'm beginning to get a sense of the inertia that accompanies limited funds and limited activities.

Oh, sure, I could get dressed properly and go for a walk, call a friend to join me, splurge on a cup of tea at McDonald's, go early to wherever the food service is and visit with the lunch patrons. I also know that when one is in a despondent situation, it can be immobilizing and although those alternatives would contribute to a better mental state, it just isn't always possible to push through it. I'm NOT confusing poverty with depression although it does posit the possibility that in many cases they are connected in a chicken-and-the-egg kind of way. Let's run with that thought, that I'm very poor, don't see a way out, I'm becoming disheartened...when funds are my main concern in life, would I have a phone to call someone for help, would I know who to call for help, could I navigate the system to find a counsellor or someone to help and could I manage transportation to get to that appointment? To keep it straight, I'm NOT confusing poverty with a lower intelligence or even necessarily coping skills, but poverty can diminish the good and exaggerate the negative. That's just a fact.

It IS a beautiful day and for this project, if I can't drive out to Rushing River with my camera, I can at least sit inside a reasonably warm house and enjoy the bright, sunny day through my somewhat-dirty windows. Poverty Challenge: if I had windows. I've heard of people living in rented single rooms downtown that don't even HAVE windows. Here comes the depression and despondency train.

My daily challenge: "Your great aunt has passed away. You are asked to deliver the eulogy. You only have ripped jeans to wear. What will you do?" I know there are reasonable clothing options at Salvation Army and I'll assume they actually have my size and from other reports, they'll cost me $1.50; I have that. That's a cheaper option than walking to Home Hardware and buying a $6 roll of duck tape to patch my jeans from the inside. I'll go with the SA jeans and deduct $1.50 from my remaining funds. If I were a responsible challenge participant I'd actually walk there and buy them but did I mention that I don't walk anywhere?

Day 4, SUNDAY, instalment 10

We're at the half-way point in the project and it's looking good. My challenge for the day was the oft-used "a mouse ate my pillow." I didn't open it until this afternoon or I would have stopped at Zeller's and bought a really cheap one. For now I'm going to do as a few others have done, and stuff a pillow case. I found an old polyfill parka that's nice and fluffy, if a bit lumpy in spots and smells a little musty as it was in the basement. That fills up a pillowcase and I'll put another pillowcase on in the opposite direction to keep the whole thing together. Not bad, actually. If I have to go out tomorrow I may consider buying a new pillow but I'll wait and see how this one works tonight.

I was picked up for church this morning and used the toonie I borrowed from a friend on Thursday, as my offering. That was a good exercise. Instead of using a giving envelope where no one can see the amount you're contributing, placing a plain, naked toonie in the plate was a little embarrassing since the ushers wouldn't have known that I'm on the challenge. That was an interesting awareness and I didn't like it much.

The same friend who took me to Lakeside dropped me off at Jubilee church for lunch. Their service was still going on so I enjoyed Frank's message and the music. There was an interesting cross-section of congregants at Jubilee. Many were there just for church and didn't stay for lunch. Those who were having lunch started rearranging chairs and setting up tables as soon as the service was over. In no time there were four long rows of tables and chairs set up and the line began to form at the kitchen serving window.

I talked with those in the kitchen who were plating the 8 roasting pans of the one-dish dinner. The Way had provided this really substantial meal and it was being served by the youth from Jubilee. I was interested in the rotational provision of meals and Lyn took me on a bit of a tour. In the basement there is a series of pantry cupboards where is stored all the donations of canned goods and other non-perishables which have been collected through various food drives. This is the pantry from which Frank and Lyn withdraw foodstuffs as various local families ask for help. They don't actually prepare meals there but are sort of a clearing house for emergency food supplies. And there's always a need. Downstairs there is a huge set of pizza ovens donated in the past by Boston Pizza. These ovens are used to heat up the pans of food which show up every Sunday, delivered and in most cases, served, by alternating churches.

Back upstairs for lunch: Adrienne, Tabitha and I sat together and chatted with some of the patrons around us. The children had made really pretty valentine treats in Sunday School (20 kids) and they gave us each one of the pretty decorated cups with mixed valentine treats inside. Lunch was very, very good! People were lining up for seconds and several were taking home leftovers in margarine or yogurt containers. (Maybe pull some of those CLEAN containers out of your recycle and drop them off at Jubilee?) Lyn explained that at the time of the month when the assistance cheques have run out and people's pantries are really depleted, more patrons show up for lunch and many ask for take-home as that is all they'll have for tomorrow's meal.

As suddenly as it had become a dining hall, it was transformed into just a room, with clothing hanging neatly on hangers along one whole wall. I didn't ask but I got the impression the clothes were there, free, for whoever had need of them. The clothes closet had been draped off until lunch was finished and then people began 'shopping.' There's obviously a serious local need so I may reconsider sending used clothing to the larger depots as I've been doing.

Not only was it now just a room but it was swept and mopped by several young people who had come for lunch. Then I walked home. It's been a very long time since I've walked 15 minutes anywhere and especially on icy streets. Fortunately it was a pleasant, if cold, day and I managed. I managed well enough, in fact, that I may consider doing it again this week...and maybe even next week...and the week after, nah, don't get ahead of myself here, those resolutions never last.

I've been making a concentrated effort to keep the temperature lower than usual in the house but I was chilled so I bumped it up a notch or two while I did some Cat Care research. I called The Cat Shelter (capitalized so because that's the way it is in the phone book...go figure) and had a lovely chat with the woman who is responsible for at the moment, 115 homeless cats. She lives with these cats at 106 Regina Ave if anyone feels inspired to drop of food, litter, other supplies...or cash. The entire shelter funding comes from donations. $8,000 - $10,000 a month in expenses! Yes, that's the correct number of zeroes! I asked her how someone on assistance could possibly handle the cost of pet care, even if it weren't a Pampered Pet like Mocha. She feeds and tends the needs of these 115 cats, AND provides emergency supplies to families who can't afford to buy food or litter at the moment. There is also a Program 3 for emergency Veterinarian services. They also partially fund the Spay/Neuter program. Now, I know perfectly well that someone is thinking that families on assistance shouldn't be burdening themselves or the system for pet care! At first glance that may seem reasonable, but don't you remember my post where I talked about how healthy I am because as a new widow, Mocha came into my life? There are those on assistance who are pretty much housebound and in many cases, that cat may be their only exposure to a responsive, warm, breathing body. That's not even considering the personality of the pet. But I'll get off that soapbox because all we're dealing with here is the reality that there is a need for which people can't pay, and there is a service which will cover it for them. The need is being met by people like many of us who, I for one, will now contribute to their cause. She would also welcome volunteers.

After the generous lunch I didn't think I'd be hungry until tomorrow but that never has worked for me. I'm going to have a bowl of very thick, rich pea soup with a toasted English muffin...may even turn that muffin into croutons! I only have two bananas left so I may have to settle for half a banana with my hot milk later tonight. Fortunately for we less-fortunates who have only basic cable, The Grammys happens to be on one of those basic channels.

I'm tired of flat hair and dry skin; I need chocolate or something sweet; I want a glass of wine. End of whining and end of Day 4.

Day 3, SAT.. instalment #9

I've included quotes from some personal emails because several writers had difficulty posting online and I think we participants need to know that there IS a point to this exercise. This from a friend who regularly volunteers in several areas: "Thank you for taking on this challenge for people like me who were aware, but maybe just not aware enough. You are walking in someone else’s ill-fitting shoes for a week and I’m sure it gets pretty uncomfortable at times." AND she invited me for lunch! While accepting lunches out may not be totally in the spirit of the challenge, I reason that generating more conversation about our project IS the spirit of the challenge. I already know that my groceries will last the week so I'm going to cash in on the opportunity to learn more about what other groups already do and how we can in some cases merge our efforts.