Sunday night 11pm

"...might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb" was the saying flitting through my head as I reached for a black currant tea bag and a package of sweetener. I finally gave in to a food craving and had something which didn't come from my grocery purchase. That's the lamb part. The "sheep" is the Cadbury Orange Chocolate bar which lives in the same cupboard as the tea and sweetener. Because I usually have them together, one cup of tea and 6 squares of Orange chocolate. But I set the sheep free and stuck with just the tea. Giving up the chocolate tempers the guilt over the tea. I can live with that.

Monday morning...I've had breakfast, couldn't face another morning of oatmeal, applesauce and banana. Did I just say that out loud? When there are people right here in this town with NOTHING for breakfast, I'm complaining about 'oatmeal, applesauce and banana?' Really. I did wake up hungry this morning which is a totally new sensation, mostly because I normally snack from 8pm 'til bedtime! I fried an egg and had it on a toasted muffin half, small glass of milk and a glass of OJ for my medications. I'm good to go for the day. Now what to do with my day? My Cat has had her morning drugs so she's no company for the next couple of hours; everything I consider doing, that I would normally do, involves books, supplies, equipment, ingredients which I certainly wouldn't have available to me if I were to live on $599 a month. I'm beginning to get a sense of the inertia that accompanies limited funds and limited activities.

Oh, sure, I could get dressed properly and go for a walk, call a friend to join me, splurge on a cup of tea at McDonald's, go early to wherever the food service is and visit with the lunch patrons. I also know that when one is in a despondent situation, it can be immobilizing and although those alternatives would contribute to a better mental state, it just isn't always possible to push through it. I'm NOT confusing poverty with depression although it does posit the possibility that in many cases they are connected in a chicken-and-the-egg kind of way. Let's run with that thought, that I'm very poor, don't see a way out, I'm becoming disheartened...when funds are my main concern in life, would I have a phone to call someone for help, would I know who to call for help, could I navigate the system to find a counsellor or someone to help and could I manage transportation to get to that appointment? To keep it straight, I'm NOT confusing poverty with a lower intelligence or even necessarily coping skills, but poverty can diminish the good and exaggerate the negative. That's just a fact.

It IS a beautiful day and for this project, if I can't drive out to Rushing River with my camera, I can at least sit inside a reasonably warm house and enjoy the bright, sunny day through my somewhat-dirty windows. Poverty Challenge: if I had windows. I've heard of people living in rented single rooms downtown that don't even HAVE windows. Here comes the depression and despondency train.

My daily challenge: "Your great aunt has passed away. You are asked to deliver the eulogy. You only have ripped jeans to wear. What will you do?" I know there are reasonable clothing options at Salvation Army and I'll assume they actually have my size and from other reports, they'll cost me $1.50; I have that. That's a cheaper option than walking to Home Hardware and buying a $6 roll of duck tape to patch my jeans from the inside. I'll go with the SA jeans and deduct $1.50 from my remaining funds. If I were a responsible challenge participant I'd actually walk there and buy them but did I mention that I don't walk anywhere?